So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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