I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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