Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
