so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
