my sisters under your porch take her home
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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