Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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