Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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