pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
