take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
