you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Someone signed my nipple.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
