just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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