we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
