You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
