hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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