Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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