How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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