i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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