The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
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Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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