just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
