these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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