You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
