I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
