What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
