You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
