Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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