I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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