im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't deserve a penis
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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