It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
