Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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