I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
from now on my penis is your penis
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
