I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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