Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
