She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
