you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
