were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Drunk is not a location!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
