I can tuck mytits in my pants
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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