I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
barbara walters just said penis...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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