I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
