If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
