Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
