Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
