you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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