We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
