peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
