Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
