so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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