I think my fart just growled at me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
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