im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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