my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
