Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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