I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
