They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
