My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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