Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
