I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
