dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
