Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
