I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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