this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
