The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
These tits shall not be calmed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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