is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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