If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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