Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
