Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
