So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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