when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
