Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
