Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
